Death is personal. Change is personal. Grief their companion. When we make room for death, change and grief, we invite our own healing, growth, and transformation.

Death and change open the door for grief. Grief is an invitation to be present. We must learn a new way of being when grief enters our lives. Far too often we run from grief. Hid. Slam the door in its face. Yell at it. Blame it. And then wonder why it hasn't left. Grief is patient. And grief can be cunning, waiting for its moment.

We dislike the unpredictably of grief. Often coming unannounced and disruptive. It does not call, email or text inviting us to join it. And when it does we fight it, go begrudgingly like a child forced to church on Sunday or visiting unliked family for the holidays.

We do not greet grief with open arms. For it reminds us that we have loved, that we hurt, that we have lost something that we are never getting back.

This is an invitation to make friends with your grief. For grief is a magnificent teacher. A gift, even if right now in the thick of its presences it feels like a never-ending inescapable place.

I invite you to greet grief. Entertain it. The emotions, feelings, and experiences that come with grief are passing through. As much as you want, do not ignore grief and it’s companions, for then they grow. When you make space, invite them in you can sit in the pain. The hurt. The discomfort. Knowing that this is temporary. For everything passes. Nothing stays the same.

When we are grieving we need to create space for grief so we may honor and work with it.

When grief visits, offer it space. Make room for it.

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Death losses

You can create an ancestor altar or a place to honor your dead. Set aside a space, a shelf, a spot in your home where you place pictures of your loved ones. Tend to it. Talk with them. Offer them food, water, liquor, tobacco, items they enjoyed in life.

Talk to your dead. It may feel weird at first, however, when we talk to them, we feel better. We are able to connect and feel less burden, which happens when we hold everything in.

Make room for your grief. Rumi’s poem the Guest House, is a wonderful way to see grief.

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Life losses

Write about it, journal about it. Talk about it.

Write everything down about what you have lost. All the emotions. All the hurts. All the pain. All the good times. Burn it, allowing yourself to release everything that has to do with what you have lost. Take the ashes and bury them or put them in water. Saying goodbye.

Dream of what you desire. You have lost something (a job, a home, a relationship, a dream). It’s time to recreate and manifest. Write it, speak it. Create a vision board. A Pinterest board. Dream big! Allow your imagination to flow as you start to create something new in your life.

If your life loss has to do with a job loss or major change that has impacted your daily routine. Create a new routine, a new structure. It does not have to be complex. We like predictability, having it can ease anxiety.

Grief, however, painful is a reminder of the capacity to love and feel. It is an invitation to grow and change. Grief is alchemical, we are different from before, forever changed. Allow your grief to be a gift, creating positive change, growth, and healing.

Creating Grief Rituals

Death losses

Life losses

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