The process of grief

How long will my grief last?

Understanding the Experience of Bevearment

When we are experiencing grief, we long for a road map to assist us on our journey.

Grief can be unpredictable, disorienting, and life-changing.

Here are some guideposts on your grieving path

We can feel lost when we are grieving. Worden, Wolfret and Rando all created guideposts to aid us along our grief journey. They studied grief and created milemarkers to support us on our journey. Check them out, see where you are. Give yourself permission to take time in each step. Each map has similar stops.

Worden’s Tasks of Mourning (death losses)

  1. To accept the reality of the loss

  2. Process the pain of grief

  3. To adjust to a world without the deceased

  4. Find an enduring connection with the deceased

(Corr et al., 2019)

Wolfret’s 6 needs of Mourning

  1. Acknowledge the death

  2. Embrace the pain

  3. Remember the Person

  4. Develop a new self identity

  5. Search for meaning

  6. Receive and engage in support

    (Meagher, D. K., et al, 2017)

Terese Rando’s Six Processes to adjust to loss (the R model)

  1. Recognize the loss

  2. Remember and reexperience the deceased

  3. Religuinsh attachments and assumptions

  4. React to the separation

  5. Readjust to a new world

  6. Reinvest in activities and relationships

    (Meagher, D. K., et al, 2017)

If you are experiencing a life loss, you can apply parts of the above guideposts.

  1. Acknowledge the loss

  2. Process the pain of the loss

  3. Adjust to a new world without the loss

  4. Create meaning

  5. Develop a new self

  6. Invest in activities and relationships and engage in supports

Remember, grief is a process; it isn’t a race to get to the next step. If we hurry grief, grief can become stuck or feel like it is never going to leave. Honor each step, some steps might be quick and others might take a great deal of time. Even on the steps that seem to linger or last, you are moving through them, even if you need to stop and rest for a moment, camp out. You are adjusting to a new life, a new you, a different life, a different you, and that takes time.

Be gentle with yourself. When we grieve, we feel all the feels. Give yourself a place where all these feelings can be expressed and released.

Check back soon as I will delve into each step in future posts.

References:

Corr, C. A., Corr, D. M., & Doka, K. J. (2019). Death & Dying, Life & Living. Cengage. 

Meagher, D. K., & Balk, D. E. (2017). Handbook of Thanatology: The essential body of knowledge for the study of death, dying, and bereavement. Routledge.

griefMargaret Bellgrief, loss, life losses, death losses, coping