The parent wound
Childhood is our formative years. Our world view and beliefs are formed and molded when we are children. We define ourselves and others through our childhood experiences, including creating out truths about the world and ourselves. Our childhoods often become the foundations of who we are as adults.
We are often scarred, wounded and traumatized in childhood. Our psyche remembers. Putting protections in place. As we grow up we carry with us a collection of inner children, some healthy and happy, some hurt, wounded or traumatized. Sometimes our wounded inner children hid. Sometimes they become the bully who we identify with as adults. Sometimes they explode throwing tantrums. The inner child’s hurt impacts our relationships. As adults, we have the power, the ability and the gift to heal our childhood wounds. Healing our inner child opens us up to experience love, to be seen and to be vulnerable.
How we were raised affects our adult relationships and our world view. As, children, we put our parents on pedestals. Assume that they did their best. Loved us unconditionally. We are angry at our parents but become defensive when someone else points out their flaws, the pain they have caused, the hurt they have inflected. We struggle to mend our complex feelings towards our parents. Our hurt. Anger. Love. Fear. Acceptance. As children, our parents, are our Gods. They created the worlds we thrived or suffered in. They were in control of our lives. As children, our parents are our superheroes. Kryptonite is their humanness, that they are not perfect beings and capable of acts of hurt. Some unintentionally and other intentionally.
So often, we want to see our parents in the best light. Because we love them. It takes courage to heal this wound. To look at our childhood with open eyes. To not take it personally the errors of our parents. To give back the love they were unable to provide. Our parents are the product of their parents and so on. They weren’t given a book on how to be a parent. Often times, they knew their wounds and overcompensated and created other wounds. And unfortunately, some of us had parents that were incapable of being parents. Of being parents that put their child’s best interest first, that loved unconditional. This is a deep and profound pain. But it is a pain that you do not have to carry with you for your lifetime.
Parental wounds go back generations. They are carried through the DNA. They become family legacies, stories, and myths.
Healing this is beautiful and hard work. We must confront dark painful memories. Our own beliefs and values. We must look at our childhood with objective nonjudgemental eyes. Watch it play out like a movie.
When healing our parent wounds, we are also healing our inner child. The inner child that has been affected by our parents. The inner child that has been wounded or hurt in relation to our parents.
Watching the movie of our childhood, we get to go back to those moments. We get to change them, heal them, fix them. We get to rewrite them. We empower and heal our inner children.
Sometimes if we experience trauma during childhood we lose part of our soul. Healing our parent wound and doing inner child work we can retrieve those lost pieces and parts. Leading us to feel integrated and whole.
Healing the parental wound, healing your inner children starts with you. Loving yourself unconditionally. Treating yourself with your best interest in mind. Parenting yourself from a place of unconditional acceptance. Forgive yourself and your parents, grandparents for their wrongs. This can be difficult and create emotional turbulence. Forgiving is freeing yourself of the weight of what happened.
I suggest finding a therapist, counselor, coach, a person who does inner child work/parent wound work to guide you in healing. I am more than happy to be that person, I have seen the power of healing the parent wound and inner children. You deserve to free yourself from all that holds you back and keeps you stuck.
Interested, in working with me? Book now or contact me. 25% if you mention this blog post.