Self harm, empaths and highly senstive people

“The result was unreal. The most incredible feeling came over me. Weightlessness. Like the vise that engulfed me had evaporated. There was no more tightness. I could breathe freely. My head didn’t hurt. My stomach didn’t hurt. After a few moments, the only thing that hurt was the cut on my arm. I sat there and closed my eyes, reveling in the physical pain that was a hundred times easier to handle than what I had been dealing with.” ― S.M. Koz


Empaths and highly sensitive people are beautifully tender people. They feel everything. They are sponges, soaking in everyone and everything's emotions, feelings, thoughts and energies. However, sometimes they don't know how to filter or wring out what they pick up.



What they pick up can rot, become stagnant and toxic. Many empaths and highly sensitive people struggle with health issues, weight problems, anxiety and depression.

They natural pick things up but were never taught how to transmute, filter and clear what they naturally soak in.

Many empaths and highly sensitive people find unhealthy ways to deal with everything they feel and hold onto.  Some, even turn to self harm.  Self harm is the act of physically hurting one’s self, by usually cutting, burning, or hitting themselves. This provides an instance release to all the pent up emotions. It localizes sensations, providing a focal point for the pain. Often times, empaths and highly sensitive people feel so much pain and hurt but can often not identify the source. The pain and hurt causes disruptive discomfortable. The empath or highly sensitive person, just wants to ease the discomfort. Self harm does this. Self harm identifies pain that is no longer ambiguous.


How empaths and highly sensitive people can heal the pain they feel

1. Name it: Empaths and highly sensitive people, feel EVERYTHING!  The first step is acknowledging what you feel: sad, angry, discomfort, anxiety, depression. Not sure, that’s okay, you are bring your awareness to what you are feeling. Does is sit in a certain part of your body (stomach, head, heart)?

2. Is it yours? Is it someone else’s? Often times empaths and highly sensitive people feel other’s emotions and can take them on as their own. Once you identify what you feel, is it yours? If it’s yours, what does it need? Journaling and art can be very helpful here, allowing the feelings to express themselves. Let them flow, no need to censor or your judge, you are letting it out.

Is it someone else's? Then it’s not yours to hold, to keep, to process. This is not being selfish or unkind. This is an act of unconditional love for you and the other person. Our feelings are messengers, they come with gifts, not always gifts we want. But our feelings and emotions help us navigate the world, when you take this from someone else, you rob them of the message. You can let them know what you are feeling. However, not everyone wants to feel and often they’ll try to give it back. Don’t take it back. This can be hard. Let it be. Let it sit. It will do what it needs to do, for the person who needs it. You don’t have to take responsibility for it. It will make it’s way to it’s owner.

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3. Create filters and fences. It’s important for empaths and highly sensitive people to have barriers in place to help them from soaking so much in.

Filters: Ways that you decide what you feel and what comes in.

Bubble- This one is quick and easy and great for when you are on the go.  Surround yourself in a bubble, any color will do, let your imagination pick. Set the intention that this bubble only allows in that which is for your highest good, all else is repealed. Don’t forget to add some glitter or tiny mirrors to reflect back any unwanted energies.

Force Field- Another great one for being out and about.  Imagine you are inside a force field.  Any energies not for your highest good are zapped away. Again, set the intention that only that which is for your highest good may enter.

Flowers- (this is from Amorah Quan Yin- Pleiadian Workbook) At the beginning of each day place a rose (or any flower that you like) above your head, in front of you, behind you and at your sides.  Check on them throughout the day.  Are they dry and wilted? Then time for new flowers.  When your flowers need replacing, move your flowers away from you, preferably outside and recycle them by making them disappear, I like blowing them up. Then create new flowers.  

Crystals- PIck a crystal. Spend some time holding it and letting it know what you need it to do.

Some great crystals to carry on you are:

Black tourmaline is protective and great at repelling any unwanted energies. It can also be very grounding and stabilizing. As well as, provides strength.

Black obsidian great for removing negative energy. Obsidian is another protective and grounding crystal.

Selenite removes energy blocks and provides mental clarity. As well as, enhances energy and provides support.

Onyx is another protective stone. And is wonderful for helping with energy drains.

Smoky Quartz is another protective stone, that is also grounding and great at removing negative energy. As well as, helps to relieve stress.

Rose Quartz is the stone of unconditional love, as well as, helps with self esteem.  Often times empaths struggle to set boundaries because they feel others pain. Boundaries are

Or any crystal that speaks to you.  To amp up their effectiveness.  Take some time to sit with your crystal, setting your intention to the crystal. What function do you want it to serve?

Remember to clear your crystals, they are working hard for you.  You can set them in the light of the full moon and let them soak in moon and sun light for 24 hours. You can set them epsom or himalayan salt.

Mindfulness throughout the day. Checking in with yourself. What are you feeling? What do you need? Tend to yourself moment by moment.


Fences: Are the boundaries you create for yourself out of unconditional love of yourself and others. Fences help you keep unwanted feelings out. Remember when you set a boundary with someone, it’s out of love not selfishness. You are not responsible for other’s emotions and feelings. Only your own.

Boundaries let people know where they stand with you.  When setting a boundary, say what you mean. Be direct. Be loving. Be honest with yourself.  DOn’t say yes, when you want to say no. You don’t own people an explanation for why you say no. This may be one of the hardest lessons for an empath. Because you feel what they feel. Remember you do not own their feelings. When you set boundaries you are teaching others to care for themselves.

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4. Create daily rituals that help you let go of everything you’ve picked up.

Clear Yourself- One of my favorites is simply saying, “I return all that all isn’t mine and call back all pieces of me.” You can visualize everything that isn’t you or yours leaving you and returning to it’s owner and all of you coming back to you.

You can also clear with bathes.  Add epson salt or himalayan salts,  lemons and limes (either fresh or essential oil). Set the intention while you are in the bath that everything that no longer serves your highest good leaves you.

Noise is another great way to clear. You can try snapping, rattles, bells, stomping.

Releasing is way of letting go. A great way to release is to  burn baby burn.  Write down and burn it. Then spread the ashes, let the wind carry them away or bury them. Know that as you burn you are letting go of what you have been holding onto.

Forgiving- you don’t have to forget.  But stop holding on.  You are weighing yourself down. Try using ho’oponopono (created by a Hawaiian therapist). Look at yourself, the person, the situation and say: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”

Refilling- DOn’t forget this step.  This is an important and vital step to owning your empath and not being ruled by it. Refill you with you.  Listen to heartbeats or nature sounds. Laugh, dance, move. Tell yourself, “I love you.” Make sure you are loving yourself daily and actively participating in self care. Not because you have to, do what feels amazing, calls to you. Do one thing a day that makes you laugh and brings you joy.

You don't have to carry the weight of the world.  Try these things to help you heal the pain you feel!